Nobody Believes Nuns

Boy are his arms tired!

2006-10-12T11:34:00.000-04:00

Alan Watts, a British businessman has traded his multitude of frequent-flier miles for a trip to the moon. Ok, not really, but he will venture 75 miles (120 kilometers) above Earth.

Watts accrued 2 million flyer miles and is cashing them all in to travel on the world's first commercial tourism flight to space, Virgin Atlantic Airways spokeswoman Katie Francis said.

He will be among the first 1,000 people to travel on a space tourism program in 2009 with Virgin Galactic, an offshoot of British entrepreneur Richard Branson's Virgin Atlantic. Flights cost $200,000.

Watts is the managing director of an electrical engineering firm and has taken more than 30 Virgin Atlantic flights in each of the last six years.

"The nearest I've come to space before was going on the Space Mountain ride in Florida," Watts said in a statement, referring to an attraction at Florida's Disney World. For 200Gs, Watts could've cashed in, gone to Orlando approximately 232.55 times to ride Space Mountain approximately 111,624 times! What a rube!

Test flights are planned for early next year.

The businessman will have three days of training before boarding the spacecraft, which travels at more than 3,000 miles per hour (4,800 kilometers per hour). Training largely consists of eating a full meal and then riding a gravitron until nature takes its course.

Once passing the testing with flying technicolors, he and five other crew members will be able to float in zero gravity and see the curvature of the planet, Francis said.

"When we first contacted Alan to let him know he had qualified for this unique offer, I think he thought it was a prank call," Branson said in a statement. "I suppose I shouldn't have stated my name to be I.P. Freely and asked if his refrigerator was running," continued Branson.

"Personally I am delighted that we have made it possible for Alan to do something that previously he had never dreamed was possible for him." Watts' next goal? Becoming the first comember of the 75 mile high club.

Neo-Nerdites

2005-09-15T12:02:00.000-04:00

Most nerds flock to technology like ants to a picnic. We drool over gadgets like the latest iPod iteration (rumors abound of a 1 gig hearing aid model due out in spring 2007, the iPod WHAT?). We dream about Blackberries, RAZR phones and all that is cool, lightweight and technologically hip.

But some, because of a love for Mother Earth or a propensity of holes in their wallet, must turn away from all this. We long for the sound of MP3 tunes in our ears, but make do with a trusty (and cheap) Walkman. We stay organized with free bank calendars and an endless stream of Post-It notes instead of a single Palm Pilot. That is, until now.

The Pocket Mod is part calendar, part notebook and consists of a carefully folded single sheet of paper. Simply click the items you want (lined note paper, calendars, games, even a Morse code guide) and drag them onto the paper. Print it, fold it, and take it with you. It's quick, cheap, lightweight, never needs charging and any sensitive info can be destroyed with a match. Try that with your Pilot.

Battle of the Super Nerds!

2005-09-14T12:28:00.000-04:00

You know it would come down to this. The world's foremost (and richest) computer geek, William Henry Gates III (Bill to his friends, ult1m4t3 h4ck3r d00d to his online pals) was going to have his comeuppance. But who could be crass enough, geeky enough to even attempt to put the beat down on the Nerd of Nerds?

Yes, none other than Napoleon Dynamite. Fresh from training with his cage fighter brother, Kip, Napoleon has traveled to Gates' home turf of Redmond, Washington to do battle.

Will the billionaire philanthropist keep his title? Or will the tot-eating whirlwind from the west topple the Master of Microsoft?

Freak of the Geeks! Not on pay-per-view but right here!

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for... Vikings?

2005-08-17T11:52:00.000-04:00

Hello again! I'm back from the windy city and not a moment too soon.

Yesterday, former Hollwood stuntman, Robert McDonald and a crew of 20 embarked on a voyage to follow the path of Vikings from the days of yore. Except, Old McDonald and his pals decided that any schlub could traverse the seas in an ordinary viking ship so they made theres out of popsicle sticks! For real!

15,000,000 popsicle sticks, 348 trips to the dentist and more glue than ralph wiggum has ated in the last 15 years! For more info, check out Mr. McDonald's website here: http://www.obvikingship.com/index3.htm

I wonder if they're prepared for 21 viking funerals?

Non-Naked Nerds

2005-08-12T15:08:00.000-04:00

We here at NBN apologize to our readers for the delay in any recent posts (Editor: do we even have readers?). Two thirds of the staff have gone on vacation, leaving little ol' me to find the articles, conduct the interviews, set the type for the copy presses, and hand deliver each and every copy of this to the world. It ain't easy I tells ya...

Let's say you have a nerd that's been hanging around lately (every neighborhood has a few). You don't mind the free software upgrades to your computer or the long nights playing World of Warcraft. You can even handle the lengthy discussions on how to construct a working phaser using stolen government technology. Even so, there's a certain... aura around your new found couchmate. Living on cheese puffs and Mountain Dew has given his shirt the ability to stand on it's own. He could use a cleaning, but how do you keep him from exposing his nerdiness to the neighbors? Why, with Nerdy Shirts of course! Although a small company, they do produce some fine tees. Some you will get immediately, others (like this one) may require explanation from a higher nerd power. There are even cutout glasses to mind meld with your latest cellar dweller. Now if you could only get him a date...

So nerdy, it’s almost cool.

2005-07-18T18:01:00.000-04:00

In 2000, in a quest to make an ever smaller computer, a company called VIA mounted all of the necessary hardware (processors, video/audio card, etc.) onto a motherboard roughly seven inches square. Clip on a hard drive, a few bytes of memory and a power supply and you’ve got a fully functioning computer. What this mini mother lacks in speed and processing power it makes up for in size. Think of it: a computer case the size of a cigar humidor. This got some nerds thinking.

Why not make the computer case from a cigar humidor?

Some case designs have gone far beyond that (and I use the term “case” very loosely). Outdated hardware, gaming platforms, briefcases, even an E.T. doll have been tricked out like so many late model Hondas. Some get done on the cheap (for example, a Windows XP program box) while others have spent a lot of time and money (I’d love a Bender robot at my desk, but can’t imagine the cost to build it).

The site includes detailed descriptions of the projects along with numerous photos for each. Just in case you had a yen for turning an antique toaster into an MP3/DVD player.

Lego, my Lord!

2005-07-14T10:52:00.000-04:00

Ok, you may have seen those lego stories of the bible or lego lord of the rings and while they are impressive, i don't think they hold a candle to this church of lego. This website is full of pictures a f.a.q. and comes complete with a dedication sermon. I wonder how many times the pulpit had to be rebuilt due to late night trips to the bathroom? And I don't believe some of the congregation are appropriately dressed? I look to you woman in the green corset, man in jedi robes, those hungover or asleep in sunglasses. Anyway, go forth and let your plastic soul be transformed!

Daylight Nerding Time

2005-07-12T18:15:00.000-04:00

No self-respecting nerd would be caught dead in fourth period Algebra without their trusty calculator watch. Because, you know, maybe Debbie Pinson would need to know how, like, how to calculate the number of cheers she averages in a given football game (22.3, in case you were wondering). And there you are, stylin' and profilin' with the Casio Scientific on your wrist. And she'd be all into you for giving her the answer so fast. Yeah, right.

Even if you still wear a calculator watch (or still think about Debbie Pinson), take a look at the Pocket Calculator Show. What started as a shortwave radio show about electronics from the 70's and 80's blossomed into a web site crammed full of information about watches, calculators, boomboxes and even the iPod's great grandaddy, the Walkman. The Nerd Watch Museum is an excruciatingly detailed array of digital watches of all kinds, including one called the Sexum. Yes, it's about sex. If you sweat the thought of crudely animated LED images knocking electronic boots, this is the watch for you.

Oh, and Debbie, if your reading this, drop me a line sometime, okay?

Say goodbye to your workday....

2005-07-06T16:56:00.000-04:00

This is the most hypnotic thing ever. More specifially for internet nerds, not your common or garden-variety or any of the more specialized types. I made an icon for my livejournal that looks nothing like me, but it's fun and you get completely mesmerized. Try to have a mirror handy - you'll be amazed at how little you know about your own face.

http://illustmaker.abi-station.com/index_en.shtml

Sam needs to teach me how to post images!

Brace Yourself!

2005-07-06T16:50:00.000-04:00

I'm just saying hello, and making promises. I have tons of nerdy web sites saved on my computer at home, and you're going to be the lucky recipients. Just you wait.....

For Myron...

2005-07-06T12:34:00.000-04:00

I'm something of a furniture nerd, I'll admit it. I have a particular affinity for chairs. Rockers, wingbacks, office chairs, benches, ottomans; you name the style and I've probably owned or refinished a few. My basement is full of them, all in various states of repair.

But what if you're a chair hound and have no convenient storage space? Then I suggest you start collecting these little treasures. Exact replicas of famous chairs throughout the ages, complete with background stories on the designers. Can't afford an original Frank Gehry Wiggle chair like the one at left? You can have a slightly smaller version (roughly 3 by 6 inches) for $120! Full size reproductions can cost ten times as much. You'll save thousands!

I probably shouldn't mention that Gehry actually made the original out of cardboard. That's right, today a box, tomorrow the star display at the Museum of Modern Art.

Artoo never had it so good.

2005-07-01T11:37:00.000-04:00

Now these are the kinds of nerds we're talking about! They build astromechs (R2-D2 robots for the less nerd savvy) and we're not talking about some cheap cardboard mockups. These babies are the real deal, full size astromech droids, running on remote control and several with a few working appendages. Various members produce droid parts ("R2 in a Box" would likely bring on a host of lawsuits, so they're assembled one piece at a time) and there's even a builders council charged with "helping to finalize and complete the official club blueprints." Kinda makes that weekend you spent putting in a new car stereo look pointless, eh?

Kindly note the complete lack of mirth on George Lucas' face in the center of the photo (click on the image for a larger shot). He is at the epicenter of Nerddom, complete with a few costumed goons mixed in among the engineers and Comic Book Guy lookalikes. To them, he is the Aztec sun god, Huitzilopochtli. To him, they are sycophants with soldering guns.

Welcome to the Nerdarium

2005-07-01T11:34:00.000-04:00

As you may have guessed, this site is about nerds. Not just any nerds, mind you. We're looking for a special kind of nerd. Any fan can recite their favorite Star Wars movie quote. Your average nerd might have a complete collection of action figures (unopened, of course) and a few of them might nerd it up further and make their own Boba Fett costume for Halloween.

These are not the nerds we are looking for.

We want the supernerds. The nerds who take it to the extreme. They don't just buy a lightsaber; they build their own. They train daily with it and publish their training techniques. They find other lightsaber fans and stage duels, complete with sanctioned rules, referees and prizes. In short, we want the nerd of nerds. Someone who is willing to spend vast amounts of money and cash to make a fantasy reality.

Reader submissions are always welcome, but kindly remember that these should be the pinnacle of nerdiness. Links to the fat kid's doing Matrix reenactments just won't cut it. The next post should help put things in perspective.